Monday, March 23, 2009

3 months in

What to make of the picture three months on? Perspectives have been altered and the reality has not quite met with expectations. Emotions have waxed and waned with the markets and days out in the hills. A trip back to life as I knew it, perhaps 'reality' as I will come to know it again soon enough, gave the perspectives that I sorely needed on how different life out here is, and how different life back in London would be too.

And the confusing part is that neither is necessarily an obvious choice as being better or worse than the other.

In simple terms it is very easy to see that a life involving many days in the mountains would be far more easily served with a relocation to somewhere an hour or so from the great peaks and vistas that surround me daily here in Chamonix. But equally what has been left behind isn't all bad. The relationships built over 6 years in London have become important to me. The lives of people I've come to know well are ones in which I wish to share time with in the future. This does not obviate an extended trip away from London life, or even a move completely away from it, but it does mean that something has been left behind that would not be so bad to return to - the proximity of people that I care about.

And then there's the question of how I am to earn a crust in the future.

Ay, there's the rub, for in that sleep what dreams may come. And in Chamonix, dreams of a life with more varied stimulation than mountains and mountain people is permeating my thoughts. What of all the other great things that life has to offer? The people and places that add spice and richness to life's possibilities. And the personal growth that comes from seeking to become something that you are not currently ready for. Whilst this feeling can be nourished in mountain life, the unfortunate reality is that a price often paid for excellence in the mountains is a relative poverty outside of them.

When speaking of poverty, I do not mean to imply that people who dedicate their lives to mountains are impoverished. I would rather indulge in a love of mountains than fill out my days in a grey office repeating essentially the same actions day in and day out. The poverty lies, as will all focussed pursuits, in that all other aspects that life has to offer are necessarily subjugated to the over-riding aim. For the pluralist, this is a sacrifice too far. And the personal growth that can come from work is sorely lacking in my life out here. Sadly, it will remain so if I do not add direction and resolve to my daily activities.

Another unfortunate reality that is setting in is that it is going to be rather difficult to convince potential investors to entrust their savings to a man with a track record that does not exactly scream of 'high probability' investments made for the long term. And why should they? I do not believe in myself enough to commit 100% of my capital to my long-term ideas, partly as the timing of my next form of income is highly uncertain and my outlook generally still bearish. This love of mountains is not taking me where I want to get to in terms of my future as a great investor and therein lies the rub.

A few years ago, aged 22, I commented that I would like to make half a million pounds and start a hedge fund by 26. Later this was revised to 36 (as events collided with reality)! The path set out on once I'd revised the timings was to work in a bank as a research analyst, make a name for myself, work as a junior in a hedge fund, get a track record and then set up on my own. The first step, to work in a bank, wasn't too appealing as I knew that time in the mountains would be massively curtailed, so instead I worked as an auditor. This nulled any sense of wanting to work ever again in a similar corporation, but bought me time to get over health problems and create a foundation for future success.

The last 3 months has opened my eyes to how life is out here in Chamonix, and how it could be living nearby in Gevena, or Lausanne. My climbing dreams are still with me, but the balance of life has perhaps swung too far over to the mountain side, and away from the longer term investment management dreams. For sure I'm still passionate about spending time in the mountains, and will continue to aim to do so whenever possible, but the sad reality is that I need to subjugate this to time spent building a reputation, a track record and an array of investing skills and contacts in order to become the investor that I know I have the potential to be.

All of life's choices negate the options and paths not travelled. Each journey takes us to crossroads and turning back is never an option. All you can do is make a decision and enjoy the journey as well as possible. There is no right and wrong when complex decisions arise, but there is often a sense of compromise. And where long-term goals are firmly embedded, it currently seems that taking the high-probability trade to get to where you're going, not necessarily as fast as possible, makes the most sense. But, sad to say, a life less ordinary it is not.